“I’m restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again.” – Anaïs Nin
Resistance is something that we all rub up against. I, for one, was resisting writing this to you! I’d been wanting to do it for the past two weeks! So why wasn’t I doing it? Good question!
We can be resisting things for so many reasons. It could be simply resisting something because we don’t want to feel vulnerable. It could be resisting speaking one’s truth for fear of loss. It could be resisting being v-i-s-i-b-l-e in the world because taking up space on the planet is scary, especially if in the past it hasn’t been safe to reveal our true selves.
It could be resisting being r-e-s-p-o-n-s-i-b-l-e for the state of our life because we live with the illusion that it’s easier to be an ostrich, head plunked underground. In the dark, nothing shows up, right!?
It could be fear of stepping up and taking on a leadership role or resisting hearing something about ourselves that we don’t want to hear. It could simply be the fear of not being good enough.
When we operate out of an unconscious fear, we automatically fall into mechanisms of protection. We RESIST the truth. We RESIST hearing. We RESIST showing up. We RESIST moving forward.
But the truth is: “Resistance is futile.”
Why? Well, we can resist all we want, but the truth is the truth. Sooner or later we are going to have to deal with it. And the longer it takes us to see it, the longer we are going to feel OFF. The longer our lives feel under par. The longer we operate from a place of misalignment, the more we perpetuate what we don’t want. Sickness. Drama. Frustration. And then, well, we feel unhappy about it.
Discomfort is simply there to get us to wake up. And sometimes, we need to sit in discomfort for a long time before we actually get over ourselves and actually press the EJECT button on the resistance and embrace the power of FLOW. Flow comes from deeply aligning ourselves to our essence. This means, just to be really clear, not resisting it.
So how can you tell if you are resisting something? Here are 10 SIGNS that you are resisting your very own LIFE. This can help you take stock of the situation so that the misalignment doesn’t get out of control, and to give you a little nudge in the direction you actually do want to go in.
Resistance is essentially blocking out the truth and we have many unconscious mechanisms for doing this.
Bear in mind as I go through the list that it may feel uncomfortable at times, but resistance is a universal experience. There is no judgment attached to it. We will all feel it at some point in our life. I am simply flagging it to make it that much more explicit and obvious. That way we can notice resistance when it shows up and not let it rule the day.
Do you have a lot of excuses up your sleeves? Do you find yourself always explaining to everyone why you didn’t, or couldn’t, or forgot? Cutting out excuses is a wonderful self-discipline. It allows you to really look at yourself and stop trying to justify yourself to others. This is the first step towards stepping up and taking full responsibility for your life.
2. NOT SHOWING UP ON TIME
There are various ways we can express our resistance in a passive-aggressive way. One way is by making people wait for us. A time was set but then we want to change things at the last minute to accommodate our lack of organization. It comes down to how seriously we commit to something. How seriously we show up for ourselves. This is a case of actions-speak-louder-than-words. If this is something you do, it may be hard to admit to it, but that is the best thing you can do for yourself. Nothing like being honest with yourself to inspire more aligned actions in the future.
3. FEELING OVER-RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONE ELSE’S PROBLEMS
This is the BEST strategy to avoid your life. If you HAVE to take care of everyone else, if you are the ONLY person in the world that can take care of a situation or another person, you are making yourself into “SOURCE”. Meaning, you think you are GOD. You have this false belief that you are the only person on this planet that has the competence, availability or resources to fulfill a need. Well, anytime you say “I have to” or “No one else can”, you are buying into a false belief that is allowing you to avoid your own life. Harsh huh! Yes, it is. And so true too. Just think of the number of people that exist on this planet. Imagine the number of solutions that exist out there. The universe actually abhors a void. So, if you leave one, guess what, it gets filled up! Trust the universe with this one. Now, you have to figure out what YOU are actually trying to avoid! That is the real culprit.
4. DESPERATE FOR CRUTCHES
Do you always have something hurting? Something to heal? Some sickness that prevents you from showing up? Do you often have to heal this before you can do that? Does it make you feel safe to hand over your well-being to some expert? Ailments always reveal something about what is going on in your life. If you are very attached to the narrative that you have to “heal this” before you can “do that”, or even better, you hire someone to heal it, but it never gets healed, well chances are you are resisting showing up for your very own self. If you are always busy “healing”, well you don’t have much time for anything else, right? Not “being well enough” can become an excuse for not going for it. Ask yourself if you are truly ready to step into your power and if you are really ready to goal! This is a good antidote as well against the “poor me” syndrome.
5. ARE YOU A DRAMA MAGNET
Does drama always find a way into your life? If so, consider this: drama is a sneaky way to sabotage yourself. It unleashes chaos into the very things you care about, whether it be family, your business, your creative endeavors and your relationships. Drama is all consuming. So, why do you engage in it?
6. RESISTING PAYING AND INVESTING IN YOURSELF
Money is an amazing revealer. It reveals a lot about the unconscious parts of our psyche. How we show up for money, how we use it, how we relate to it, tells us a lot about ourselves. Do you value yourself enough to invest in your well-being? Or are you always skimpy in this area? Do you often say “I don’t have the money”? Think again, money is only “energy” in material form. We always chose how to flow or not with money, whether to receive it or not. Your unconscious beliefs about money run the show. Sometimes we do need to invest in ourselves because we genuinely need help. When you can’t see your blind spots, help is required. Ask yourself, If you could take a major step forward in your life with some help, why do you avoid investing in it? For the sake of clarity, help is not a crutch if you are seriously ready to do the work. It becomes a crutch only when you use it to avoid taking responsibility for yourself. Tricky, huh! This requires discernment and honesty.
7. CASTRATING THE MESSENGER
Sometimes we hire help but we are not willing to hear the music. Somehow, it shatters the script we had written for ourselves. I learned about this one because I found myself doing this very thing. The end result: I didn’t want to re-write the script. I didn’t want to be visible in a certain way! When we come to an appointment with a set agenda: we expect to hear only what we want to hear. When we are challenged on something we don’t want to deal with, we can be tempted to dismiss the messenger. But it is important to note, life is always co-creation. If you come to a session with openness and intention to heal, you will. If you come to dig in your heels into the ground, you will. Ask yourself, why don’t I want to see this? What am I resisting? Why do I choose “doubt” as my mode of operation? Co-creating your life means knowing that your intentions are very powerful. Set the intentions that the help you invest in will bring back unfathomable results for you and then show up for it. It is truly as simple as that.
Leonard Cohen had it right. “Forget your perfect offering.” When you want everything to be perfect, you actually block the flow. You also stay stuck in non-action. Take a deep breath and release. And just allow yourself the joy of imperfection. People love imperfect people! The best-kept secret is that when you just start, the strength and support actually show up. It’s just one of those universal laws. Many times in my life I’ve created things out of thin air. I just had a vision, started working on it, got people involved, and surprise, it happened!
9. BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE
Of course, the lamentable state of your life is because of what everyone else did or does to you, right? Look again. This is actually an abdication of personal responsibility as co-creator of your own life. And I raise my hand on this one! I’ve definitely done this. Blaming others overlooks the fact that we have agreed to this life “contract”, which may seem somewhat absurd, but after taking up the challenge it poses, you will notice how much it actually enlightens you. The real question is how long are you going to hold on to these hardships before you claim your birthright to joy? How long is it going to take you to heal yourself? How long will you stay in the narrative that you were “done wrong”? And yes, you may have been “done wrong” for real, but how long do you want to hold on to it as a justification for your unhappiness? How about committing to transmuting the crap, and getting on with the good stuff, faster!
10. NOT FULLY SHOWING UP
Are you half in, half out? Do you come, but then your body language, your energy, and your enthusiasm lag behind? If you have trouble showing up for yourself, for an appointment that is all about you, you will notice that you do the same thing in other parts of your life too. Sometimes people don’t show up because they have this script running through their mind that nothing ever works anyway, so why fully commit? Of course, in thinking that way, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you have trouble committing in your life, this will have a definite impact. You will be creating a half in, half out kind of life. In other words, a half-ass kinda life!
Ok. There is the download.
Now, I just need to CONGRATULATE myself because I had been seriously resisting writing this for a while now. I was distracting myself with all kinds of stuff. I never seemed to have the “energy” to do it. Ha! I finally let go of my resistance and bam! Here is my “perfect offering”!
Hope it is useful to you.